they whisper of escapades out on the "D" train

Old tube map

I realise that working on the underground isn’t exactly the best job in the world. But I can think of a lot worse jobs. They get good pay packages (compared to other transport workers) and have some excellent holiday perks (between 35 and 50 days a year depending on the position). So I do kind of get pissed off that many are unfriendly, unhelpful and generally just a bunch of bastards.

But there are two workers who go that extra mile. The first one is at Oval tube station where he is in charge of announcing the trains, their destination, etc.. in the morning. He always loves to wax lyrical about the train and passenger etiquette, “…as a common courtesy to your fellow passengers, please allow people off the train first…”. Where as anyone else will just say “the next train is for Mill Hill East” and leave it at that. He walks the platform night and day and seems to love to talk.

The second is perhaps the tube’s only worker/comedian. Stationed at Goodge Street, he is in charge of the lifts in the morning and will always crack a joke and wish everyone a good day/weekend. He also loves to talk to people until they answer him. Most are uninterested and will try and blank him out in that stereotypical London manner. He is funny though because he keeps trying even though the majority of the lift just want to go to work and not pay any attention to him and other people.

These two people are the first recipients of my henotbusybeingbornisbusydying merit badge. Hopefully other transport for London workers will now be motivated to be a bit more helpful and a bit less sulky.

Visions of Johanna

Sometimes the President of the United States has to stand Naked

Neil Young has been doing the rounds of the blog world recently. All because he's written some songs which criticise George Bush. The funny people over at Stereogum put a quote of his on the album with a previous quote that Britney Spears made (for CNN as featured in Farenheight 911). This made me laugh so much. The contrast couldn't be more pronounced.

NEIL YOUNG: "We have to be cognizant of the fact that we can make mistakes.That's part of freedom. We don't have to believe in what our President believesto be patriotic."

BRITNEY SPEARS: "Honestly, I think we should just trust our president in every decision he makes and should just support that, you know, and be faithful in what happens."

Its Alright Ma (I'm only Bleeding)

Too much of nothing

I am sorry that I haven't been updating this as regularly as I think I should. A case of the writers block, sometimes you really can have too much of nothing...

I didn't want this to become a mundane blog full of a load of bollocks along the lines of "had a hard boiled egg for breakfast, it was nice". I don't think I have the energy for such rubbish posts. Don't know what it is at the moment, i'm finding it hard to muster the energy for anything.

Been spending a bit of my spare time over at Rockbeatstone, writing blog posts, reviews and helping the editor Dan out. We're looking for contributors so if you fancy writing about rock and roll then please drop us a line.

Hopefully soon I will have something funny and witty to say for this blog. Until then..chin up. You can always enjoy the links to the MP3's to the right, hit refresh a thousand times to see what books I have in my collection (also see bar to the right). Or you can click on some of my links to read my old articles, see some cool websites and read other interesting blogs (in fact far more interesting blogs..)

Too Much of Nothing

In the bathroom

Why is it that in the pub there are now invariably a whole range of adverts in the toilets. These generally come in either two forms:

• Firstly, a series of health and safety adverts telling you to use a condom, get a taxi and not drive, etc..
• Secondly, a series of two month old entertainment posters. Either some crappy film that is so bad the only way someone will want to see it is if they are bolloxed in the toilet and thus are highly suggestible ('Bend it like Beckham' -wow, that looks good!) or some rubbish computer game (crashing cars = good fun).

Ultimately, it just cheapens pubs. I think they should get rid of all adverts, I like to concentrate on the job in hand when i'm in the toilet of a pub.

Talkin' Bear Mountain Picnic Massacre Blues

There's a guy I gotta see.

Have a nice Easter Break everyone. Here is Family Guy doing 'Take on Me' by Aha.

Got my mind made up

Tweeter and the Monkeyman

On may way into work this morning, I put 'Born to Run' by Bruce Springsteen on repeat. Not the album, the song. It's such a great song that you just never want to end. From the first barely audible murmurs that drag the listener in close to the speakers, forcing you to pay attention to it, to the brilliant 'breakdown' bit near the end in the music and subsequent rebirth of the song (1-2-3-4), via the amazing saxophone solo, this song has it all. What a tune.

This song brought Bruce to the forefront of American culture and his particular storytelling songs would come to dominate the charts and the critics mind's over the coming years. It all started with this confident album. Bruce was always 'Born to Run'. This song merely told people what to expect over the coming years.

PS: the title to this blog post is pretty obscure but fellow dylanologists will understand what I mean.

"In the day we sweat it out in the streets of a runaway American dream
At night we ride through mansions of glory in suicide machines
Sprung from cages out on highway 9,
Chrome wheeled, fuel injected
and steppin' out over the line
Baby this town rips the bones from your back
It's a death trap, it's a suicide rap
We gotta get out while we're young
'Cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run

Wendy let me in I wanna be your friend
I want to guard your dreams and visions
Just wrap your legs 'round these velvet rims
and strap your hands across my engines
Together we could break this trap
We'll run till we drop, baby we'll never go back
Will you walk with me out on the wire
'Cause baby I'm just a scared and lonely rider
But I gotta find out how it feels
I want to know if love is wild
girl I want to know if love is real

Beyond the Palace hemi-powered drones scream down the boulevard
The girls comb their hair in rearview mirrors
And the boys try to look so hard
The amusement park rises bold and stark
Kids are huddled on the beach in a mist
I wanna die with you Wendy on the streets tonight
In an everlasting kiss

The highway's jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive
Everybody's out on the run tonight
but there's no place left to hide
Together Wendy we'll live with the sadness
I'll love you with all the madness in my soul
Someday girl I don't know when
we're gonna get to that place
Where we really want to go
and we'll walk in the sun
But till then tramps like us
baby we were born to run "

Tweeter and the Monkeyman

Salute her (him) when her (his) birthday comes.

It's my birthday today. I'm at work and can't be bothered with much. Not even this blog post.

Read this stuff that I have written at rockbeatstone and then if you're bored after that you can visit the new rockbeatstone newsblog, and keep up-to-date with the all-important music news.

Here are my reviews of Ben Harper's new album, Both Sides of the Gun and We Are Scientists debut album which came out a few weeks ago now.

She Belongs to Me

Off the Golden Gate Bridge into China Bay

This article in the Guardian is one of the most fascinating that I have ever read. It appeared when I was on holiday aso I missed it at the time. The topic is Chonquing in China, a city that most have never heard of but which has a population bigger than Iraq or Peru. It is the fastest growing city in the world with a population of 31 million. The statistics quoted are staggering. If ever someone has manged to get down in writing what the Chinese economic situation is all about, then it's in this article.

Have a good weekend.

Clean Cut Kid

You don't have to be afraid of looking into my face

Today in the free daily newspaper, the Metro, I saw myself in the section which has little announcements for the London Underground. The grainy photo was not a definate match for me, but I did notice others in the carriage looking at me in a peculiar fashion. Apparently I'm wanted because I'm a witness to a suspect package being left.

It's OK though, it's not me because I wasn't on that particular tube line. Still, made my neighbour (who was in close proximity to me due to the fact that the tube is more packed than a cattle truck) a little nervous.

We Better Talk this Over

It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall

Another interesting reason why we in the UK shouldn't be looking to nuclear as a solution to the UK's energy problems... This is from the brilliant source of bizarre news stories, Ananova.

"The Philippsburg nuclear plant in Germany is now under investigation after owners reported that they have been searching for the keys to vital areas around the reactors since March 10. The plant is run by German company EnBW, which reportedly took an entire week to inform the authorities about the loss of the keys."

Next question is though where are the bleedin' keys? They are almost always in the last place you can think of, but where could that be? Maybe in a beer hall, I would suggest. It's definately a good place to start looking. Bring on the nuclear roll out in Britain. If the German's (masters of efficiency and hard work) can loose their keys to a nuclear power plant, I shudder to think what might happen in 21st century UK.

A hard rain's a-gonna fall

Not much is really sacred

David Beckham has announced that he has OCD or obsessive compulsive disorder. This is what he had to say about his disease:

"I've got this obsessive compulsive disorder where I have to have everything in a straight line or everything has to be in pairs. I'll put my Pepsi cans in the fridge and if there's one too many then I'll put it in another cupboard somewhere."

Now I wouldn't normally feel the need to mock someone with a terrible illness but I think that this comment hides an evil truth: David Beckham is a whore. And I tell you why. His comment about rearranging pepsi cans was made becasue he is sponsored by pepsi. So I have no sympathy with him and I hope that OCD sufferers everywhere rise up in the streets and shout out loud at the injustice of having their suffering being exploited by the David Beckham commercial machine.

Its Alright Ma (I'm only Bleeding)

If dogs run free

Totally shocking vision in my head today as I walked to the tube station on my way into work. It was a woman putting newspaper down near her dog ... 'So what?' I hear you say. Well it was a great Dane.

She was telling a passer by that she has to do this because her dog has an upset tummy. Which again is fine, but as I happen to walk by the dog lets rip and a stream of what can only be described as brown liquid splashes all over the newspaper.

Not a good experience first thing in the morning. In fact I feel sick writing this. Just thought I’d share with the internet this groundbreaking (literally) experience.

If Dogs Run Free

I saw that his face looked just like mine..

There is this beautiful story in the Guardian today on a new veterans group, the Iraqi Veterans Against War (IVAW). It truly is an amazing piece and some of the stories are quite simply shocking - there is simply no other way to describe it.

I think the entire world should read it. The article is truly brilliant, personal accounts of the war and real home truths. This isn't a partisan article, it's the truth. People are dying unnecessarily and these solders have experienced this first hand. I challenge you not to be moved by the last paragraph of the article.

John Brown

I ran right home and I went to bed

I've come back from holiday where of course I had an amazing time. It's quite funny because everyone asks you about your holiday but you never really can convey in words how good it was.

The trip home was very long and boring, in fact it took about 20-odd hours and I was in the very bizarre situation of trying to work out why it was going to take so long but could never get my head around the figures properly. It was one of those very weird things to do with time zones and days and nights and hours and minutes. It didn't help that in the UK the clocks changed for the summer as well, just to mess with my mind that little bit more.

Today I am posting because yesterday I was jet lagged, and it is only really now that I realise that i'm back in London. At lunch as I was crossing the street this guy with such an evil expression on his face was driving a white van and beeping his horn. It was at this precise moment, that I realised that I was back from holiday and that i was in London...quite depressing that some overweight scumbag of a man awoke me from my jetlagged state and pushed me into the life of an ordinary office worker in London. Oh well, just counting down the days until next year now....

When I was away some more articles of mine were published on rockbeatstone: a review of Jenny Lewis' new album and a review of Ryan Adam's 29.

In search of little Sadie

It must be a holiday, there's nobody around

I am going on holiday to Vietnam. Please do not be jealous. If you are bored at work but still want some entertainment, can I offer Ear Farm as a replacement blog. They do loads of wicked music reviews and have MP3s and stuff. Above are some photos of some of the places that I will be going to. Laters.

Don't be jealous.

Highlands

She was tired of the attention, tired of playin' the role of Big Jim's wife.

Don't Hassle the Hoff...

Celebrity news alert!!! David Hasselhoff's wife has claimed that he is violent. So it's perhaps time to look at the art of David Hasselhoff, his legacy and his loud mouth.

The internet is a veritable fountain of knowledge. The Hasselhoff is no exception. His official website presents the man, his work, and no doubt has the contact details of his agent incase he is needed for a new hollywood blockbuster or a concert in Germany.

But the most interesting website and one which has convinced me that the Hoff is evil is this website called David Hasselhoff is the Anti-Christ. This website comes to the conclusion that he must be the anti-christ - how else explain the popularity of Baywatch? (well boobs for one, but i'll pretend that it's something else because it's funnier).

The website showcases some of the 'blasphomies' that the Hoff has said over the years. Here they are repeated in full for you readers out there:

"I'm good looking and I make a lot of money"

"There are many dying children who'se last wish is to meet me"

"I'm a six-foot all-American guy, and handsome and talented as well"

"Before long, I'll have my own channel - I'll be like Barney"

"[Baywatch] is responsible for a lot of world peace"

"I find it a bit sad that there is no photo of me hanging on the walls in the Berlin Museum at Checkpoint Charlie" - On his role in the fall of the Berlin wall.

What an absolute dick. I wish good luck to Hasselhoff's wife.

Lily, Rosemary & the Jack of Hearts

Don't put my faith in nobody, not even a scientist.

Well, maybe this time Bob you should put your faith in a scientist. Science has announced that a Robbie Williams concert may have to be cancelled due to the close proximity of some endangered bats to the proposed arena.

For once science has come up trumps and delivered benefits to society. No longer must one be prepared to endure a Robbie Williams concert. However, the prommoters have said that they will do "everything we are asked for, so that the animals will survive Robbie's concerts". Forget the animals, what about the humans I say. Perhaps we can get science on the case for that - perhaps some kind of invention which binds and gags Robbie Williams is in order. I sense a government grant being awarded soon thanks to the massive media pressure which this blog post will create.

In other news, I went to the pub last night where I met a friend of a friend who was telling me about 'Space Docking'. This is when the faeces of an individual are hardened to be used as a dildo. Do not ask me anymore about this, I'm as baffled as you are. However, I am unwilling to research it on the internet, seeing as I am at work. I thought it was a funny story though.

Also catch my reviews of Belle & Sebastian's 'The Life Pursuit' and Television Personnalities' 'My Dark Places' at rockbeatstone.

Do Right To Me Baby

Roll, Willie, Roll

Sausage rolls....love it.

Time for a tribute to possibly the best food ever: the sausage roll. I have just had one for lunch. One cannot deny that this is truly the king of foods. Especially at parties. In fact in a vote on the the BBC it came in fifth place for best party food. This must be wrong. I sense some underhand tactics from the evil, ever expanding, crisp industry.

The sausage roll is great because it tastes equally as good cold or hot. Its pastry coating allows it to be eaten with hands and the sausage in the middle can be delightful. In fact i'm sure it's something that Jamie Oliver has done to perfection somewhere. I'd look if I was bothered, but you see the key thing is that one can rip open the package and scoff a sausage roll down or create them from scratch and they would both taste excellent. This is perhaps one of the only foods where manufactured tastes as good as home made.

Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for the sausage roll.

Rambling Gamblig Willie

But he was famous long ago

My last post which had a link to MC Hammer's interesting blog made me wonder if there were any other blogs of note out there that were written by famous people. By the way, MC Hammer's goal is to connect with Hammer fans world wide. This is his blogger personal profile:

"I'm an ordinary man, who has lived an extraordinary life. I have been to Japan, Russia, Korea, Hong Kong, Egypt, Germany, Spain, Australia, Singapore, Puerto Rico, every state in America including Alaska and Hawaii. I have met and dined with Presidents and Sultans, and Princes. Most and above all I have met God. "

Anyways, enough of MC Hammer, let's turn to the other celebrities who are blogging. Alec Baldwin has one on a website called the Huffington Post. No wonder they ripped him to shreds in Team America. Barbara Streisand also has a very political blog as well, although she doesn't seem to be arsed because she hasn't updated it since 2003. But she either has an amazing attention to detail and strong knowledge of the issues...or a very good secretary.

Flea from the Red Hot Chilli Peppers has one on basketball. This is somewhat bizarre - It's a bit like Morrissey writing a column on football. Just because you're famous doesn't mean that your point of view is more valid. Staying with the sports theme (well...), Mark Foley is a pro-wrestler with the WWE and has a brilliant grasp of grammar - his blog is entitled Foley is Blog.

William Shatner has another great blog. In it he speaks of selling his Kidney Stones. Wow! The website looks like it has been written by someone with ADD but who also likes Sci-Fi. He is also "very excited" about his new DVD club. As I am sure we all are.

Perhaps the best blog by a celebrity is Kevin Smith's blog. He is Silent Bob and wrote loads of cool films like Clerks and Dogma and Jay & Silent Bob Strikes Back. He is busy working on Clerks II. There's loads of info and photos too. A very good professional blog. All other celebrity bloggers should take tips from Kevin Smith. He could even form his own celbrity IT consultancy. This blog is also hilarious, almost as funny as his films.

In my research I also came across the disturbing Celebrity babies blog which chronicles the adventures of famous people's babies in a crazy, stalking fashion. This is wrong in so many ways.

Desolation Row

He said he only deals in cash or sells tickets to a plane crash

A couple of teenagers in the USA had a row with their parents and decided to leave home. As they came from a very wealthy family they decided to steal their parent's jet plane. Unfortunately there was no fuel and they had to crash land. Only they crash landed in Joshua Tree National Park. The kids have been charged by police for stealing a plane and crashing it in a protected area. Surely you think the parents would retract the charges for theft because they are in enough trouble as it is? Nope... They are obviously complete and utter bastards. No wonder they tried to leave.

Read my review of the White Stripes DVD at Music for Grown Ups. And if you're still bored after that then you can read MC Hammer's blog.

Stop!......Hammertime.

Foot of Pride