Wednesday, September 20, 2006

I'm in a cowboy band

MTV in the UK have turned reality TV on its head with their new program, Totally Boyband. They have united 'stars' from the now defunct world of Boybands and follow them around with cameras for three months in which time they need to get a hit single. These 'stars' were: Danny from New Kids on the Block (who at 37 is the oldest member), Bradley from S Club 7, Lee from Steps, Johnny (who?) from 911 (what?) and last and by no means least (in weight that is) Dane Bowers from Another Level. I managed to sit through an entire episode of this drivel to give you readers the lowdown to this new cultural phenomena. Somewhat shocklingly from a cultural point of view the voice over informed us that together the boys have over 87 million CDs sold.

This first episode focused on them meeting each other. They went to the record company who informed the camera that they were not the, "ideal line up". They then did some mainstream media on the Johnny Vaughan Breakfast Show (Capital Radio's breakfast show who's market share has dwindled considerably in the last year). Johnny called them the "who's who of boybandry". I wonder what Robbie Williams, George Michael and the talented guys in New Kids On the Block, 911, and S Club 7 were thinking?

The boys met their record company who told them that it was imperative that they get a massive hit single in three months. The management actually seemed worried that this wouldn't happen. None of the boyband members raised their hands to ask about the impact of them appearing on Britain's largest music television channel on this but then again boyband members are not renowned for their intelligence.

The boys then tried to come up with a name. They decided they would name themselves while they were making music. To get the vibe before coming up with a name. Well all accept Lee from Stepa who thinks that they should be called 'evolution'. (cue rolling eyes from the other lads). They met their manager a fat rich old white man who lives in a plush house. That's where the millions of pounds from the 87 million CDs went, Management. And they want to get fucked over all over again? Are they stupid or something? (Hold on a minute...) The manager said that Danny added a '"credible aspect to the band". Then I laughed. The band then went out on the lash in some nightclub. They got slaughtered and took the piss out of Lee from Steps who was oblivious to all of this. I got increasingly annoyed at Dane Bowers who is the most opinionated fuckwit and how he quite obviously likes the sound of his own voice.

The credits rolled and they showed clips of the next show which featured extremly piss-poor singing that was all out of tune. So don't miss the next installment is what MTV is telling me. My opinion on whether they can do it again? It is already a done deal, with bands needing to sell about 100 copies to get a number one, it shouldn't be too hard. My opinion on whether these people are even more annoying than the first time around? Most definately yes.

Nettie Moore


Will said...

One of my friends is mates with Lee from Steps!

'Boybanditry' shurely?

Paolo Vites said...

do you have any Take That rare singles to trade? thanx

Check me out, if you dare