Friday, March 31, 2006

If dogs run free

Totally shocking vision in my head today as I walked to the tube station on my way into work. It was a woman putting newspaper down near her dog ... 'So what?' I hear you say. Well it was a great Dane.

She was telling a passer by that she has to do this because her dog has an upset tummy. Which again is fine, but as I happen to walk by the dog lets rip and a stream of what can only be described as brown liquid splashes all over the newspaper.

Not a good experience first thing in the morning. In fact I feel sick writing this. Just thought I’d share with the internet this groundbreaking (literally) experience.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

I saw that his face looked just like mine..

There is this beautiful story in the Guardian today on a new veterans group, the Iraqi Veterans Against War (IVAW). It truly is an amazing piece and some of the stories are quite simply shocking - there is simply no other way to describe it.
I think the entire world should read it. The article is truly brilliant, personal accounts of the war and real home truths. This isn't a partisan article, it's the truth. People are dying unnecessarily and these solders have experienced this first hand. I challenge you not to be moved by the last paragraph of the article.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

I ran right home and I went to bed

I've come back from holiday where of course I had an amazing time. It's quite funny because everyone asks you about your holiday but you never really can convey in words how good it was.
The trip home was very long and boring, in fact it took about 20-odd hours and I was in the very bizarre situation of trying to work out why it was going to take so long but could never get my head around the figures properly. It was one of those very weird things to do with time zones and days and nights and hours and minutes. It didn't help that in the UK the clocks changed for the summer as well, just to mess with my mind that little bit more.
Today I am posting because yesterday I was jet lagged, and it is only really now that I realise that i'm back in London. At lunch as I was crossing the street this guy with such an evil expression on his face was driving a white van and beeping his horn. It was at this precise moment, that I realised that I was back from holiday and that i was in London...quite depressing that some overweight scumbag of a man awoke me from my jetlagged state and pushed me into the life of an ordinary office worker in London. Oh well, just counting down the days until next year now....
When I was away some more articles of mine were published on rockbeatstone: a review of Jenny Lewis' new album and a review of Ryan Adam's 29.

Friday, March 10, 2006

It must be a holiday, there's nobody around

I am going on holiday to Vietnam. Please do not be jealous. If you are bored at work but still want some entertainment, can I offer Ear Farm as a replacement blog. They do loads of wicked music reviews and have MP3s and stuff. Above are some photos of some of the places that I will be going to. Laters.
Don't be jealous.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

She was tired of the attention, tired of playin' the role of Big Jim's wife.

Don't Hassle the Hoff...
Celebrity news alert!!! David Hasselhoff's wife has claimed that he is violent. So it's perhaps time to look at the art of David Hasselhoff, his legacy and his loud mouth.
The internet is a veritable fountain of knowledge. The Hasselhoff is no exception. His official website presents the man, his work, and no doubt has the contact details of his agent incase he is needed for a new hollywood blockbuster or a concert in Germany.
But the most interesting website and one which has convinced me that the Hoff is evil is this website called David Hasselhoff is the Anti-Christ. This website comes to the conclusion that he must be the anti-christ - how else explain the popularity of Baywatch? (well boobs for one, but i'll pretend that it's something else because it's funnier).
The website showcases some of the 'blasphomies' that the Hoff has said over the years. Here they are repeated in full for you readers out there:
"I'm good looking and I make a lot of money"
"There are many dying children who'se last wish is to meet me"
"I'm a six-foot all-American guy, and handsome and talented as well"
"Before long, I'll have my own channel - I'll be like Barney"
"[Baywatch] is responsible for a lot of world peace"
"I find it a bit sad that there is no photo of me hanging on the walls in the Berlin Museum at Checkpoint Charlie" - On his role in the fall of the Berlin wall.
What an absolute dick. I wish good luck to Hasselhoff's wife.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Don't put my faith in nobody, not even a scientist.

Well, maybe this time Bob you should put your faith in a scientist. Science has announced that a Robbie Williams concert may have to be cancelled due to the close proximity of some endangered bats to the proposed arena.
For once science has come up trumps and delivered benefits to society. No longer must one be prepared to endure a Robbie Williams concert. However, the prommoters have said that they will do "everything we are asked for, so that the animals will survive Robbie's concerts". Forget the animals, what about the humans I say. Perhaps we can get science on the case for that - perhaps some kind of invention which binds and gags Robbie Williams is in order. I sense a government grant being awarded soon thanks to the massive media pressure which this blog post will create.
In other news, I went to the pub last night where I met a friend of a friend who was telling me about 'Space Docking'. This is when the faeces of an individual are hardened to be used as a dildo. Do not ask me anymore about this, I'm as baffled as you are. However, I am unwilling to research it on the internet, seeing as I am at work. I thought it was a funny story though.
Also catch my reviews of Belle & Sebastian's 'The Life Pursuit' and Television Personnalities' 'My Dark Places' at rockbeatstone.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Roll, Willie, Roll

Sausage it.

Time for a tribute to possibly the best food ever: the sausage roll. I have just had one for lunch. One cannot deny that this is truly the king of foods. Especially at parties. In fact in a vote on the the BBC it came in fifth place for best party food. This must be wrong. I sense some underhand tactics from the evil, ever expanding, crisp industry.
The sausage roll is great because it tastes equally as good cold or hot. Its pastry coating allows it to be eaten with hands and the sausage in the middle can be delightful. In fact i'm sure it's something that Jamie Oliver has done to perfection somewhere. I'd look if I was bothered, but you see the key thing is that one can rip open the package and scoff a sausage roll down or create them from scratch and they would both taste excellent. This is perhaps one of the only foods where manufactured tastes as good as home made.
Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for the sausage roll.

Monday, March 06, 2006

But he was famous long ago

My last post which had a link to MC Hammer's interesting blog made me wonder if there were any other blogs of note out there that were written by famous people. By the way, MC Hammer's goal is to connect with Hammer fans world wide. This is his blogger personal profile:
"I'm an ordinary man, who has lived an extraordinary life. I have been to Japan, Russia, Korea, Hong Kong, Egypt, Germany, Spain, Australia, Singapore, Puerto Rico, every state in America including Alaska and Hawaii. I have met and dined with Presidents and Sultans, and Princes. Most and above all I have met God. "
Anyways, enough of MC Hammer, let's turn to the other celebrities who are blogging. Alec Baldwin has one on a website called the Huffington Post. No wonder they ripped him to shreds in Team America. Barbara Streisand also has a very political blog as well, although she doesn't seem to be arsed because she hasn't updated it since 2003. But she either has an amazing attention to detail and strong knowledge of the issues...or a very good secretary.
Flea from the Red Hot Chilli Peppers has one on basketball. This is somewhat bizarre - It's a bit like Morrissey writing a column on football. Just because you're famous doesn't mean that your point of view is more valid. Staying with the sports theme (well...), Mark Foley is a pro-wrestler with the WWE and has a brilliant grasp of grammar - his blog is entitled Foley is Blog.
William Shatner has another great blog. In it he speaks of selling his Kidney Stones. Wow! The website looks like it has been written by someone with ADD but who also likes Sci-Fi. He is also "very excited" about his new DVD club. As I am sure we all are.
Perhaps the best blog by a celebrity is Kevin Smith's blog. He is Silent Bob and wrote loads of cool films like Clerks and Dogma and Jay & Silent Bob Strikes Back. He is busy working on Clerks II. There's loads of info and photos too. A very good professional blog. All other celebrity bloggers should take tips from Kevin Smith. He could even form his own celbrity IT consultancy. This blog is also hilarious, almost as funny as his films.
In my research I also came across the disturbing Celebrity babies blog which chronicles the adventures of famous people's babies in a crazy, stalking fashion. This is wrong in so many ways.

Desolation Row

Thursday, March 02, 2006

He said he only deals in cash or sells tickets to a plane crash

A couple of teenagers in the USA had a row with their parents and decided to leave home. As they came from a very wealthy family they decided to steal their parent's jet plane. Unfortunately there was no fuel and they had to crash land. Only they crash landed in Joshua Tree National Park. The kids have been charged by police for stealing a plane and crashing it in a protected area. Surely you think the parents would retract the charges for theft because they are in enough trouble as it is? Nope... They are obviously complete and utter bastards. No wonder they tried to leave.
Read my review of the White Stripes DVD at Music for Grown Ups. And if you're still bored after that then you can read MC Hammer's blog.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Well my heart's in the Highlands wherever I roam

Whilst travelling on the bus this weekend, I looked up at the adverts and saw an advert for ScotsCare. This is a charity that helps Scottish people who live in London. Now I am not being xenophobic and I have no hatred of the Scots, but what the hell? Why do they need a charity? There are people in need in London from all over the world, for christ's sake. As far as I can tell Irn Bru is widely available. What is the point? They even speak the same language (well almost). If anyone wants to get back to me and justify the existance of this charity, then please feel free to do so.

Check me out, if you dare