Friday, February 03, 2006

You can laugh at salvation, you can play Olympic games

Rubbish mascots, rubbish games

It's that time again....Winter Olympic fever is about to hit the UK. Well not really. Nobody gives a toss. The Winter Olympics are quite possibly one of the most tedious and annoying worldwide 'events' ever (and that includes the Oscars ceremony). This year the event is taking place in Turin (or Torino), Italy. I can't wait for the excitement to begin as the UK gets no medals because we don't have any proper ski slopes (except for those crappy artificial slopes), or indeed any proper ice rinks. The only thing we once were good at was when a policeman and a slapper got together and won the figure skating. But let's be honest, it's just glorified ballroom dancing. In fact its worse than ballroom dancing.
Here are some brilliant sports that will be all over our TV screens (even the BBC attempt to get us interested when we are blatantly not - they should concentrate on sports that the British public care about...leave the winter olympics to Eurosport):
  • Biathlon - a bizarre twist on skiing where people go cross country and then fire a shotgun at a target. Why?
  • Figure skating - on a more serious note, is it still a sport when a judge has to be subjective?
  • Curling - Idiotic sport where people brush in front of oversized hockey pucks. A bit like the French game of boules, only someone decided that it would be better on ice.
  • Snowboard - a bit like skiing but only tossers participate.
  • Freestyle skiing - the figure skating of the ski world - again pointless peole doing tricks. Shouldn't these guys be smoking doobies and playing in the X games?
I hope you will join me in wishing a quick death to the Winter Olympics, so the largest sporting event of 2006 can take its place in the hearts and minds of the TV schedulers - the World Cup. Now there's a proper international event. Can't wait - bring on the summer.

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